I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
