I wannas sexs uuuuu
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
