Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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