You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
