Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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