She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
