he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
