I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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