Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
