It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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