I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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