Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
