There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
