Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
