We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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