there's paper in my vomit.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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