I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
