I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Randomize
