Its about making memories worth repressing
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize