____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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