you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Randomize
