yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
