Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
