and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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