Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
