'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
