SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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