420 ftw
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
