i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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