mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
