Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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