omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize