I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
