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did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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