Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
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