dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
