I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
