next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
