he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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