now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
