So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Randomize
