the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
