I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
