I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
