I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
