This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
