I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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