Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
