If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
