1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
