im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
