he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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