the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
