The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
