I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
This is the high leading the old right now
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
