My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
How's work?
Spinning.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
