I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Gay?
German.
Pity.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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