maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
