Farmville is her only friend.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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