We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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