Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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