so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
