Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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