Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
