I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
