If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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