dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
