i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
