eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
