Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
