wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
