...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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